Still truckin'

Wow, I'm really humbled by the earlier comments from other bloggers. Thank you so much, they meant alot to me - the blogsophere is so incredible. It's like these awesome little fireflies cheerleading you when you least expect it. I was in a pretty bleak place from Monday afternoon through last night, probably the darkest I've been in the whole TTC journey, with the exception the m/c last fall, but that was a different sort of grief. More sadness than a complete feeling of failure.

I do feel better today, though. NoodleGuy brought me those flowers to the left yesterday, he's such a sweetheart. But 1000 times better than that, he knocked my socks off by kissing my cheek and hugging me and telling me that he is committed to doing anything for our family. He told me over and over that I'm a superstar and the best wife ever and never to forget it. We discussed donor eggs and he had lots of great ideas of how we could pay for it. I loved him so much for clearly thinking alot about this yesterday and making sure I understand that though he's a frugal guy, that building our family doesn't fall under any budget. I can't tell you how much of a relief this was to me, to know that there DE is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was very afraid that we'd decide that IVF was it and it made this whole poor response thing all the more bleak.

So, knowing that this may not be our final chance at a bean, I'm trying to not give up on the IVFs yet. I still need to go in tomorrow and see if somehow another follie or two has popped up. Plus, I have one more IVF approved by insurance and I'll definitely do that one, unless my RE refuses (which he won't). I will mention to my RE the possibility of increasing my meds even more -- though I was already on Gonal-f 450 + Menopur 150, I have been told of other women who did Gonal-f 900 (450 in the a.m, 450 in the p.m.).

Plus, I'll be taking July and August off from the meds, as I am going on a cruise to the Caribbean with my family and not only would the timing be stressful around IVF, but if I'm not pg already, I want to enjoy the cruise and drink some margaritas. During that 2 month break, I will fully embrace acupuncture (NG and I decided it was worth the money to go a couple of times a week if it's our last ditch effort), investigate DHEA, start taking evening primrose oil (to stabilize my AMH) and let my body cleanse from the 5 straight months of injectables. I'm already taking Red Raspberry Tea Leaves, wheatgrass, Vitamin E, B6 as well as feasting on watermelon and pineapple, so I should be covered holistically at least. Then at least I could feel like the September IVF has the best shot I can give it.

Technically, my insurance covers 6 IVFs, but they approve them in batches of two. So possibly I could do more after #2, but I'd need to discuss with my RE if he thinks it's worthwhile and whether the insurance company would even approve any more if I prove to be a very poor responder with #2 also.

Anyway, the weeble has wobbled, but she hasn't fallen down yet.

p.s. if you happen to view the flowers picture blown up, there are some telling things in the background, not the least of which is what looks like a small rodent torture device against the wall to the back right. That's actually a cat tree that NG built, he likes to build them for the kitties to climb. It's a little bit hideous for the living room, but the cats like it so much, we don't have the heart to move it to the basement yet. One of the cats is snoozing in the right foreground of the pic, right behind my bottle of Red Raspberry Tea capsules. Cats and TTC = my life right now ;). Oh, and our TV is on the ground because our new LCD HDTV arrives this afternoon. Yay! Purchased right before we realized we might need to spend $15k on donor eggs! Oh well, at least we'll have a pretty TV to watch when we're too poor to leave the house ;).