The appeal of IKEA kitchenry

Sometimes over the past few days I feel so excited about tomorrow's IVF consult that I'm almost panting. Truly -- I've apparently turned into a puppy (which isn't so bad). On the other hand, I've been sleeping very restlessly - which is very unusual for me, I'm usually out cold through 6:30am - and waking up intermittently panicking. I'm not sure why I'm so jumpy, I've had 2 years to get used to the idea that this is where I'm headed. I'm certainly not scared of the procedures as I've had 4 surgeries in the past 12 months and countless other procedures. If there's anything resembling a silvery operating table anywhere in sight at this point, I'm hopping up on it, stripping down, spreading my legs and settling in for a nap. This has led to some near-misses in IKEA's kitchen section. Furthermore, I live in mandatory infertility-coverage state and have great insurance coverage, so it's not the money I'm worrying about either.

I think sometimes it just hits me that this is our best shot, but our LAST shot. If this treatment doesn't work, no bambino from NoodleGirl's eggs. I think there was always some comfort in the surgeries or Clomid or FSH injectables or IUI or whatever that there was always the shining beacon of IVF at the end of the road. But if we try IVF and it doesn't work, then we have no last resort any more, we can't cloak ourselves in the magical phrase: "Well, we haven't even tried the big guns yet."

I know about donor eggs, donor embryos and adoption, of course. And maybe one day we will think more seriously about those options, I think they're incredible opportunities and I thank gummi bears that I live in a day where there are these possibilities. This is just me mourning the possibility of not be able to work with my own eggs. But remember that post last week from me about Borrowing Trouble? Yeah, this is me doing it again.